Many months ago, when the weather was warm and I was more optimistic, I wrote a personal essay for SELF about people who pity me because I live alone during the pandemic. Those well-meaning people have valid concerns, TBH. Loneliness is a mental state that taints personal perception and impacts overall health. Still, I wrote the essay, and much to my delight, other people found comfort in my words. But recently, someone asked if my thoughts have changed over time.
“Feeling lonely isn’t overwhelmingly fraught for me anymore; it’s a circumstance through which I have to navigate,” I wrote in the essay. “Most days, it’s like being too short to reach a good book on a high shelf: immensely inconvenient but survivable.”
If I’m completely honest, things have changed. Being alone during the pandemic is still survivable, but it requires more than an internal “step stool” to fix. Bad days feel heavier than they used to. It can be hard to think about the future or maintain hope.
Months ago, people who expressed concern annoyed me, but now there are days where I wish someone understood how challenging solitude can be. I have empathy for those of us—in all kinds of situations—dealing with the difficulties that living through a pandemic inevitably brings. As a senior health editor at SELF, I have an arsenal of effective self-soothing mechanisms—but sometimes I just really want a hug.
So what have I learned after almost a year of being alone? The only thing I know for sure is that nothing lasts forever. Every horrendous low has eventually lifted. Every good feeling mellows out. The ups and downs are part of surviving this pandemic.
If you’re struggling right now, try to make yourself as comfortable as possible until the feeling passes. Maybe that involves a Zoom call, an emergency therapy appointment, a warm bath, or a gut-wrenching cry. If your feelings are especially overwhelming, text HOME to 741741 and connect with a Crisis Text Line counselor who can support you. You can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline—1-800-273-8255—to get support if you need it. These lines are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Don’t be afraid to use them.
I wish I had a magic affirmation or a therapy-approved technique that worked without fail. Sadly, I don’t. So do whatever you need to do to get through the moment safely, and, eventually, a less catastrophic moment will arrive. And if it’s any consolation, dear reader, know that you’re not alone. A lot of us are out here alone—together.
If you’re interested in finding more tips and tricks to help you manage this moment, here are a few SELF articles to get you through:
- 9 Little Ways to Go Easy on Yourself Right Now
- What Is Resilience, and Can It Help Us Bounce Back From This?
- 9 Things to Try If You Hate Social Media but Don’t Actually Want to Quit
- 13 Ways to Celebrate Your Birthday Alone
- We’re Basically All Struggling With Mental Health Right Now—Let’s Normalize It
- 13 Important Mental Health Tips I Learned Reporting During the Pandemic
- 5 Little Habits I Picked Up During Quarantine That I’m Not Mad At
- 23 Mental Health Books for Anyone Who’s Going Through It Right Now
- 8 Grounding Techniques to Try When You’re Spiraling
- Feeling Lonely? Here’s How to Deal
- 8 Coping Methods From a Psychiatrist Who’s Also Anxious and Afraid
- How to Know If You’re Drinking Too Much Right Now
- Writing Video Game Fanfic Is Helping My Mental Health
- 41 Mental Health Apps That Will Make Life a Little Easier
- If You’ve Ever Googled ‘How to Stop Crying,’ Read This
- There Has Never Been a Better Time to Start Meditating
- 18 Low-Lift Things That Might Actually Make You Feel Better Right Now