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At the time I discovered yoga, I was participating in a group aerobics class. I was also the proud owner of a very successful video store and I had just closed a failing gift shop. My daughter who was 18 months old at the time went with me everywhere, even to work. Exercise class was her first daycare experience and it was not a good one. I had to look for something different in the way of movement and somehow, I found myself in a yoga class at a local studio. I knew absolutely nothing about the practice, so this would be a new experience for me. Little did I know that this new experience would forever change the way I viewed my life.
The first yoga class that I participated in I remember feeling awkward and out of place. I remember asking myself, “Why is this so hard?” I also remember feeling totally blown away afterwards. As I looked around the room at the other yogis while they relished in postures with peaceful faces, I remember wanting to find just that. I returned to class at the rate of two to three times per week. I learned meditation techniques, I learned Pranayama (breathing techniques), I learned sun salutations, I learned to hold poses in stillness, and most of all that first year. I learned to relax. Being on the go constantly, and thinking that I always had to be busy, I was intrigued by the idea of resting and knowing that it was OK. I suppose, in the beginning, if you would’ve asked me the definition of yoga, my response probably would’ve been that it was quite the physical challenge and a bit taxing on my mind. I found places in my body I never knew existed during that first year. I found a breath that I never knew I could take as well. I was curious to find more space in my body and to observe what was going on in my mind, so I continued with the practice. I started to branch out after that first year and take classes from different teachers. The styles, it seemed, were endless. Each teacher had something new and different to offer. I was hooked, forever.
In the next few years of my yoga practice, I found serenity, and peace of mind. Things that were pretty looked prettier now, and things that were hard, were suddenly, not so hard. I experienced a letting go, in the way of mind clutter as well as material things. I just didn’t need so much “stuff” and I began to feel like a much lighter individual. I started to listen instead of talk so much when in a conversation. I was less anxious, I stood taller and I smiled more. To me, yoga is all of the things that you already possess, but you just haven’t tapped into them yet. I suppose if you would’ve asked me the definition of yoga at this time it would’ve been something more like, the calm after the storm, mental clarity, spacious hips, better posture, and soft eyes. I know that taking a yoga class, can unlock many doors. I also know that once these doors are unlocked, a choice is made, to return or not return to class. I kept on coming back for more.
When my first teacher asked me to start assisting her in class, I thought she’d lost her mind. Why would she ask me to do that? How could I possibly walk around the room and help someone in the way she had helped me? I’m in no way an extrovert. I discovered that several yoga teachers have a theatrical background and quality about them. I’m a quiet person. I could not in any way, be in front of people and talk, let alone guide them through a class. Being on display was never high on my to-do list. I was happy enough, moving through my life fairly unnoticed. She basically said I had to do it, especially if I was afraid of it, sort of like writing this little chapter. I started by helping out with the positions during relaxation, by making sure students had what they needed in the way of props and such. I assisted with subtle adjustments while in savasana, a touch on the shoulder, or an adjustment to the head and neck. I felt unbelievably comfortable doing this, but of course the lights were off and the students were resting. If you would’ve asked me the definition of yoga at this time, it would’ve been something more like, helping other people feel better about their selves, giving without receiving, and breathing really deep with a sigh of happiness. I loved what I was doing. I loved the thought of doing it forever. I loved the thought that if I couldn’t do it forever, it didn’t matter, because today was just enough. I found patience and an appreciation of the moment.
I began to spend more time away from my business so I could be in the yoga room. I paid my manager at my video store, much more than I paid myself. It didn’t matter. I was in love with what I was doing and it meant something to me. Some weeks, I ended up saying yes to every sub job out there. At times, I was subbing more than some of my friends that were teaching full time. After 12 years of playing business owner, I made the decision to close up shop. Independently owned video stores, had been hit hard by chain stores and our area was crawling with them. The decision wasn’t a difficult one. I remember walking around the empty store after the closure, breathing deeply and feeling very thankful that I would no longer be spending time with the entertainment industry on a daily basis. I suppose, if you would’ve asked me at this time in my life the definition of yoga, it would’ve definitely been, being able to let go with ease, that nothing is permanent, that all things can and will change, and that it will be OK. My letting go of the business wasn’t near as hard as I expected. I feel that the practice of yoga can ease any transition in your life, and my practice has seen me through several.
I continued subbing and was eventually given a class of my own. I taught at the YMCA, I taught at the studio, I went to workplaces and universities. I still practiced with students and teachers alike. I practiced at home, outdoors and when on vacation. I dove into books and DVDs. I traveled when I was able to attend workshops with teachers that I’d heard of and even those that I hadn’t. I ended up with a few steady classes of my own and the students kept coming back. At this time in my life, if you would’ve asked me the definition of yoga, it would’ve been more like we are all a part of the big picture, something much larger than ourselves. That the practice brings peace and people together in a positive way and that stepping on the mat is not always easy. There’s a lot of beauty on the mat. There’s also a lot of ugliness. I believe that on the mat, we find our truth, good, bad, beautiful or ugly.
Today, I lead several classes a week at a few different locations. I still take workshops and classes from other yoga teachers when I can and I’m still blown away. I’m still a student, first and foremost. I love the idea that there will always be something new to learn and that my body will constantly change, and therefore, so will my practice. I have also, never participated in a yoga class that I did not enjoy. Each class has been a learning experience of personal growth, physical boundaries and mental clarity. I am so grateful to every teacher that I have ever spent any amount of time with. It doesn’t matter if you were a new teacher, a seasoned teacher, or a yoga star. It doesn’t matter if I spent a lot of money on travel to take your class, if you were local, or if you pissed me off. It doesn’t matter, if I made some dough because I was able to bring you to my area. You were awesome, all of you. And you know who you are.
Yoga to me is in everything. It’s the ebb and flow. It’s the journey of every day and the awareness of the moment. It’s the warm sunshine in the winter and the cool rain in the summer. It’s your family, your friends, and your pets. Yoga is hard and soft. It is laughter and joy as well as sorrow and pain. It’s a conscious workout with a higher purpose. It’s reaching high and bending low. It’s the earth under our feet and the sky and stars above us. It’s the best medicine you’ve ever swallowed. It’s the smiles on the faces of children. It’s a hot cup of tea and a good book. It’s the garden you tend to in your backyard. It’s being there for someone in a time of need. It’s in knowing how to step back and take time out for yourself. It’s a sun salute on your deck on a sunny day. It’s meditation wrapped in blankets during an ice storm when the power goes out. It’s the best piece of chocolate that you’ve ever tasted. It’s the best adjustment in downward facing dog you’ve ever had. It’s the people in the yoga room and those who haven’t made it there yet. Yoga is this moment, right here right now.
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