Gabourey Sidibe shared new details about her past experiences with depression and bulimia. On a new episode of Taraji P. Henson’s show Peace of Mind, Sidibe explains a little more about how disordered eating became a coping mechanism for her in moments when her sadness was unbearable.
“It was like a self-defense mechanism, that’s what bulimia was for me. It wasn’t about losing weight, it wasn’t about controlling my appetite, it truly was about how it stopped me from crying,” Sidibe said in a trailer for the new episode. “It was about me surviving the day. It was about controlling this emotion that was uncontrollable. I hated this emotion so much, I hated it.”
On top of everything else, Sidibe said that people told her she was “looking good” at the time, which only made her want to continue. Although Sidibe felt like bulimia had given her a way to control her emotions, she said that she was actually getting worse. “Being depressed is one thing. If you add an eating disorder to that, that’s a whole other monster that you have to fight,” she said.
Sidibe’s experience was clearly a painful one. It’s also a reminder that eating disorders are far too often wrongly portrayed as something that only affects thin white women. In reality, anyone can develop disordered eating behaviors, SELF explained previously. And when fat people have an eating disorder, it may go unnoticed or they might even receive compliments, like Sidibe did. Even when fat people explicitly discuss their changing relationship with food with medical professionals, members of their care team may downplay or dismiss those worries due to the patient’s size.
These days, Sidibe is in recovery. She’s been working with a nutritionist and seeing a therapist, People reported previously. (Sidibe actually shares her therapist with Henson.) “I just accepted depression as something that’s part of my anatomy; it’s part of my chemistry, it’s part of my biology,” she told People. “When it’s too big for me to just turn around on my own, I see a therapist.”
If you or someone you love is dealing with disordered eating, contact the NEDA helpline online or at 800-931-2237, or the ANAD helpline online or at 630-577-1330.
Related:
- Important Reminder: Anyone Can Have an Eating Disorder
- A Letter to Anyone Living Through the Pandemic With an Eating Disorder
- Gabourey Sidibe: Stop Congratulating Me for Losing Weight