Divorce is a difficult decision to take. It changes the life of the whole family irreversibly. So, if you decide to end your marriage, be sure that this is the best option for your situation, not to ruin your own and your dearest people’s lives.
This is when it is good to get the use of a divorce decision tree or a deciding to divorce quiz. Both variants will allow you to reassess your marriage and your intention to terminate it, highlight the priorities of the process, and organize your further step if you decide to go to the end. This way making the decision to divorce will be an easier and more organized process, deprived of remorse afterward.
So, if you wonder how to decide whether to divorce or when is divorce the right decision, take a question-answer trip to analyze your relationships and come to a top beneficial conclusion for you and your family.
Before you put the end to your marriage, it is always encouraged to give your relationships another chance. You can do this with the help of a relationship coach or family counselor. The specialists will help you sort out your family troubles and bring a new life into your marriage.
Or there is always an option to put effort and try to fix your marital life on your own. Here are some ideas on what you can do to repair your marriage:
- Be the initiator – don’t wait for your spouse to make the first move to fix the things between you; otherwise, it may be too late. Initiate the activities and steps to grow closer and resolve your issues, and the positive results will come sooner.
- Start with yourself – before putting the blame on your partner for all the bad happening between you two, analyze what wrong and destructive you have done and do to your relationships and take small steps to change things for the better.
- Become a listener – don’t overwhelm your spouse with your visions for the future, your opinion on the family troubles, your displeased position about your marriage. Become a listener and get to know what worries your partner so that you can discuss and fix everything together.
- Be kind – it is essential to be kind and understanding both to yourself and your partner. Give both of you the freedom to make mistakes and mend them. Don’t do the negative talk to any of you. Be encouraging and patient. Things need some time and a lot of effort to get better.
Once you and your spouse feel that you are ready to change for the better and work hard for the sake of your marriage, you have a chance to eliminate the divorce and save your relationships.
Still, there are situations when nothing can be done, and it is time to let your marriage go to make a place for a better life. Here are some examples:
- You are in any kind of abusive relationship;
- You or your kids are unsafe in your current family conditions;
- Your spouse keeps on cheating on you;
- You cannot be fair with each other;
- There is no enthusiasm on the other side, no matter how much you try.
In these and similar situations, you need to gather the courage and initiate a divorce with the hopes of reaching happiness in your new post-divorce life.
The same way you dreamed about your marriage in your young years, it is time to envision yourself as a single person and analyze how you feel about it. There will be a list of changes you are going to notice once you get divorced:
- No support – if you and your partner were close and used to encourage each other, there will be a need for you to find someone else to back you up.
- No sexual partner – as to romantic and physical needs, it will be difficult for you to find a steady partner straight after the divorce. But if you lack sexual life with your spouse, there will be no difference but a chance to find someone better instead.
- Household maintenance – if your partner cooks, does the laundry, or fixes the house for your family, you will need to do everything on your own first. Dwell, whether you are ready for some challenge.
- Financial hurdles – happiness is not about money. But if you are not the breadwinner of the family, it will be financially difficult for you to manage life on your own at the beginning. Extra stress will prevent you from being happy for sure.
It is obvious that things are going to change if you decide to terminate your marriage. There will be an empty spot in your routine where your partner used to be, and you are going to miss them at first. But if you live parallel lives now, don’t commit to your relationships, feel tense around your partner, and bring each other more discomfort than pleasure, maybe it is time to try something else? You deserve to be happy, even if it means you have to leave your past behind, overcome the hurdles, and implement your desires in the nearest future.
You shouldn’t turn down the divorce idea because you don’t want to harm your children. In fact, living around parents who are in a constant argument is worse for the kids than living with divorced but well-cooperating parents.
And when it comes to marriage termination, children’s wellness should be your number-one priority to bother about. Here are some measures to take to make the divorce less harmful for your kids:
- Be fair about the state of things and let your children react in the way they need; be listener and supporter in this case;
- Don’t put your children in the middle of the conflict; don’t fight in their presence, don’t use them to pass messages, or badmouth your ex in front of them;
- Grant all the conditions for your kids to interact with their other parents regularly and freely;
- Be kind, compassionate, and attentive to your kids in the time of divorce, but don’t forget about discipline;
- Get professional help for your kids if they need it.
Divorce is going to be tough for adults but even tougher for children. Be there for them to support and explain the difficulties so that they can be overcome easier. If you care about your children well, they will manage to understand your decision and put up with the divorce eventually.
Although the financial hurdles upcoming along with the divorce shouldn’t restrain you, you should clearly realize what to expect and get prepared in advance. Check out the tips to guarantee you financial confidence through and after the divorce:
- Meet financial advisor – cooperating with a financial advisor will allow you to get ready for the process and add to the quality of your post-divorce life significantly. The specialist will help you to create a saving plan and a divorcee budget, apply for spousal support if necessary, manage your debts and assets before and after the divorce, and add to financial confidence and awareness in general.
- Improve your bank history – a good bank history will enable you to apply for a bank loan if you need it in the nearest future. To become a reliable bank client, you need to take small credits and pay them off long before the divorce to prove that you can manage your finances successfully. So when the time comes, the bank can lend you a decent sum with complete trust.
- Work on your career status – if you are not the breadwinner in your family, it is essential to improve your career status before the divorce so that you can afford the process itself and manage your finances successfully afterward. Get some new qualifications, apply for a new job or a higher position, and you will get financially steady in no time.
- Seek spousal support – when you realize that it will be difficult for you to make ends meet after divorce and your spouse earns a lot, it is essential to apply for spousal support. Mind that the support will be calculated regarding your last year’s living expenses. So if you are trying to save for divorce, don’t go to extremes; otherwise, you will be assigned a small support amount counting your lowered expenses.
All in all, you should understand that divorce will be difficult financially anyway. Your must-do task is to get prepared emotionally and physically so that you have the tools to overcome the divorce-related financial troubles and don’t stress out much.
The crucial thing to determine before you decide whether to fight for your happiness with or without your partner is whether you still love them. If there is nothing associated with love, trust, and respect, there is no point committing to such a relationship. On the contrary, if you feel there is a tiny-teeny sparkle and hope to love and be loved in your marriage, and you are ready to fight for it, then go on; it is all in your hands.
Review the criteria that will allow you to classify your feelings and relationships and take respective measures in result:
- Respect – respect and trust are cornerstones of the relationship. If you lack any of them, there is no point in looking for love in your marriage. You either need serious professional help or divorce on the spot.
- Physical relationships – the presence of physical relationships doesn’t guarantee love between partners, but their absence is a warning sign that things are not working well. It is not only about sex but also about kisses, hugs, gentle touches to reveal affection. If there is nothing of that in your marriage, then there is hardly any love as well.
- Communication – your communication reveals the state of your relationships. If you’ve nothing to talk about, if you feel reluctant to interact in any way if you even stop arguing or just keep on poisoning life of each other. These are the signs that there is no love left between you as well as respect, so there is no point in staying together anymore.
- Point of concentration – when you are in love with your partner, you stick to each other, your routines are interdependent, your point of focus is on your spouse. On the contrary, if you prefer to spend more time with your friends and other family members, you don’t have any quality time with your spouse, you seem to live parallel lives with no interaction. Then it is obvious that there is nothing that drags you to each other, and your relationships are probably dead.
- Real desires – if you want to discover whether you still love your partner, you must analyze your inner desires. If you daydream about being alone or imagine yourself having another partner, then maybe it is time to implement your real wishes.
The lack of love, respectful relationships, and support means you have serious problems in your marriage. If you are ready to work hard to fix your partnership, then do your best to succeed. In the contrasting situation, it is better to let your marriage go and get divorced so that you free the space for improvement and happiness in your life.