If you don’t know where to start, I also wrote this list of small ways to celebrate alone. You might find some ideas you want to try there.
4. Consider making a gameplan ahead of time.
This goes for the season as a whole, too, but it’s especially important for days you think might be weighted for you. That way, you won’t, for example, wake up on Christmas Day in your feelings and have to ask, “Shit, what now?”
“Try to be spontaneous if you want but I recommend planning your activities,” Neli U.E., 33, tells SELF. “That way if you feel blue or without energy, it’ll be easier for you to just keep following a plan rather than having to thank about what to do.”
Your plan doesn’t have to be super intense or anything—even deciding what movie you want to watch after breakfast will save you from some endless, melancholy scrolling through Netflix when you’re already down.
5. Give celebrating a shot even if you’re skeptical.
The thing about self-care and mental health advice is that it’s easy to decide something won’t work without actually trying it. I don’t blame you—sometimes it won’t work and why risk it if you’re already feeling like crap? The same can go for trying to enjoy yourself. Why force yourself to have fun when it might just be a bummer? But if you’re up for it, mental health experts will tell you that it’s worth testing the hypothesis. Some of the time, you’ll surprise yourself and find out it does help you feel better. And if it doesn’t, now you know. Win-win.
6. Try to appreciate the little things.
Alright, now I do kind of sound like a greeting card. But hear me out. We’re losing a lot of the big, flashier aspects of the holidays, like large gatherings and traditions, so some of the more delightful details of the holidays can become that much more important. I for one have made a whole event out of enjoying holiday candles for precisely this reason.
“If you start feeling low, try to focus on the soft lighting of the holiday decorations or the sparkle of ornaments and allow yourself to appreciate them,” Arielle W., 34, tells SELF. “Especially right now, things aren’t easy or stable. We can give ourselves those little moments, though, where we can find a degree of peace and stability, even if tomorrow it’s back to the usual routine.”
7. Stay up on basic self-care the best you can.
I wouldn’t be doing my job as a mental health writer if I didn’t remind you—gently, I promise—that nutrition, hydration, sleep, and movement have a huge impact on your mental health. When those things go off the rails, all the negative emotions we’re already dealing with can feel even worse. Then, of course, staying up on self-care feels even more impossible. It’s a hard cycle to be trapped in, for sure.
To the best of your ability, try to tend to your basic needs so your crappy holiday can at least exist on top of a sturdy foundation. It won’t fix everything, but it will help. And of course, practice a ton of self-compassion if and when these practices don’t come easily to you or you can’t manage them on certain days.
8. Remember the downsides of your usual holiday season.
In a good way. I don’t know about you, but even though I romanticize the holiday season (especially now when I feel like I’m missing out), it’s not all sunshine and roses. In fact, there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to deal with, thanks to my solo holiday. Not to be all “look on the bright side,” but when I think of the family fights, awkward run-ins with old acquaintances, gifting stress, and more that I’m skipping this year, I do feel a little better. Maybe try doing a similar reality check next time you’re gazing longingly into the distance and imagining the perfect holiday you wish you were having.
9. Give yourself plenty of space to feel your feelings.
Even when we’re putting in our best effort to keep our holiday sadness and loneliness at bay, these feelings will come up and we shouldn’t try to shove them away. Alone or not, the holidays never mean feeling merry and bright all the time, and we do ourselves a disservice when we don’t hold space for the whole wide spectrum of our emotions.
“It’s okay to be sad during the holidays,” Alex F., 36, tells SELF. “Sometimes when I’m sad I like to just wallow in it, watch sad movies, let myself cry, and not beat myself up. All feelings are okay, so let yourself feel them.”